| To be or not to be |
| Tuesday, 25 November 2008 23:07 |
 From my memories pictures and senses peep out of times when I was about five years old. From my early age I was a passionate lover of piano, my heart belonged to piano, eventhough till I was twelve I've only touched synthesizer. It was the biggest and the best synthesizer which probably existed then, but for me it was just a big dissapointment. The touch of plastic keyes simply left me empty, nothing happened from inside to the sound which with all keys and buttons it could produce. The guitar remained, cause the memorable encounter with the piano happened a little too late for serious things. However, the piano is also here now as a source of inspiration and comfort.
I was a withdrawn, shy girl and to play, not to mention sing in front of even one member of audience was a huge challenge, although I knew I carry that in myself. The scene and I had to get by the path of assimilation. Although it is a constant challenge it has a charm that draws me to still climb it over and over again and to stay till the end. It happened naturally, with some higher inteligence and intuition that have lead me on the exploring path. I've been writing ever since I remember, but I never had the confidence to push that to the end. However, one day I deceided to obtain with that fear that has been stopping me in my growth on all levels. So I intuitively signed up for singing lessons and after a couple of years of work, learning and exploring myself there came a time for concerts at which at first my knees were weak, my voice and my hands trembled, but from concert to concert I did it in spite of everything. I did it anyway! My way. Over and over again. Something from my inside drove me to obtain with myself because I knew that without that I'll never gonna be free. It was an existentional question: "To be or not to be". Through this way I gained the biggest gift – myself. In 2005 I applied to a competition of a jazz club for "Young Hope of Jazz" by recording three songs in my own room to a plain cassette, just to perceive the site and to see where I am. Not in my wildest dream I haven't been dreaming that I'll win that title. On that day in my being enlived the cognition that I am a singer and a fighter and that all that is needed is to dare to show it and to endure on that path. In that effort the audience that gifted me with lovely energy, reactions that encouraged me and because of which I solely endured even when I didn't believe in myself those late days when music success was still something dreams, has helped greatly. So, besides my stubbornness, the audience and my closest co authors were my suporrt and my only movers, cause that interaction, those little moments of closeness, compasion and joy is my biggest inspiration for life and creation. Sometimes after a good gig I feel like I'm flying of happiness how my heart is full. Just because that contact between us. But, behind that stands persistant and diligent work, months of worrisome search for the right path and co authors that will stand behind a novice and be a sincere and loyal co worker on that not so glittering path as it looks those five minutes on the scene. Behind the coulisse occur the struggle out of which get by only the strongest and the most persistent ones. To be talented is not enough. I know of dozen of talented people who probably never will realise ther talents, cause great selfconfidence and a whole team of people is needed for a story to have a beginning and the end, and a performer the argument to stay on the scene. That path is way more spiny and slowly if you at the same time want to be different and to pun a whole new path for yourself. At the beginning all genious were misunderstood… I console my self. A friend of mine, musician, who bought me a guitar when I was about fourteen and sent it to me from Canada, said to me one thing: "Music is the most splendid thing that can happen to you". Indeed that is true. It is easy to catch to music and in music everyone can indentify. The is an anthem for absolutely everyone. I look at music through the prism of authenticity first and in that sence there is no poor course, style in music. Everything has its audience. Music just has to be intelligent, not naïve and authentic to come alive, and for music is most imortant exactly to live. Authenticity is the only thing that catches the audience and make it to react and to belive you. So, it's not about who is better yet about coming back to ourselves and to be who you truly are, and only then you can't miss it. There is a space for everyone and everyone has its own audience. All it takes is to dare to show. To put yourself on disposition it can be scary, but it is a postulate of evolution and development of a being which naturally aspire toward change. The gifts that shower you along as a result of your own surrender are surely pay out. To move your own boundaries and in a way to push yourself into things you know are chalenging for you is the postulate of development and freedom. Music has indeed touched all my life in all its reverberant joy and irretrievably changed it by playing the role of deepest teacher. Music has the power of change in itself, it is a cathalyst whether you creating it or just listen to is, playing it, dancing it, remember it, watch it, love it… You are its gift just as music is to you. You are inseparable wherever you are. Dajana Mar |
